Joseph and I often find ourselves wondering just what Braxton thinks about. He is still not verbal at all and hasn’t developed enough coordination for even simple sign language. He makes some sounds, but they have no meaning other than to hear himself “talk.” I love when he does it, and occasionally “mama” or “dada” comes out but he’s not usually talking to either of us. One day, those precious sounds will mean something, and I absolutely can’t wait for that day.
Braxton is usually in his own little world and doesn’t fuss much about anything. However, he has recently found his voice and definitely lets us know when he’s not happy! He’s learning to stand, but getting down is a little scary for him, so he’ll stand and cry/grunt/shout until someone comes to help him down! He’s getting better about getting down on his own, but there are times he gets way into a crocodile tears act just because he doesn’t want to do it himself. Surely, the most vocalization we’ve had out of him since birth. He does actually have a pretty loud cry now when something is really wrong, but when he was born it was so soft and you’d almost miss it unless you were right next to him. There is NO mistaking it now!
His all time favorite thing to do now is crawl over to the patio door and stare out the window. He does this at daycare too. He could literally sit there all day and just stare outside. I wonder what he thinks about as he sits there. The backyard isn’t all that exciting. At daycare he can watch the big kids play outside, perhaps a bird or two, but mostly he just watches the trees in the wind. Is he just taking it all in? Longing to be outside? Wishing to walk and run like the other kids? I wonder exactly what he sees? Is his vision worse than we think? I wonder what he hears? Can he even hear the gentle breeze and the birds chirping? Does he hear it and it’s muffled without his hearing aids?
Whenever we walk outside he stares at the sky… Is he talking to God? Does he know it is by some divine intervention that he’s even here? Is he thanking Him for his life, wondering what his destiny is? Is he talking to relatives who have passed and are watching over him? It would be nice if any of that was true. I just don’t know what it is that fascinates him so about the outside. Perhaps it’s a reminder for us to slow down and just watch the peaceful nature of the trees swaying in the wind. I like to sit with him and point out the things he might see…the trees, the grass, a bird – understanding that he doesn’t comprehend me now, but then again maybe he does. I’m starting to see that he pays a lot more attention than we think. He’s starting to recognize things and develop preferences for toys, activities, environments. He’s also developing quite the personality. It’s surely always been there, but he is developing more and more and his playful nature exudes from him.
I long for the day when he can tell me exactly what is on his mind, or ask me all those annoying questions about why things are the way they are, but for now I am simply fascinated by his curiosity and childlike wonder, and appreciate his reminder that perhaps I too should slow down and just watch the world in peace.