So, here’s the root of my reasoning behind starting the blog. All too often, I have feelings that I just can’t share with anyone else besides Joseph. I need some kind of outlet to put all these emotions down. Not necessarily looking for anyone to have pity on me or offer advice, but getting it all out is good for me, and if anyone comes across it I just want them to “listen.” This is the perfect way to do that. Plus, it’s really a great tool for keeping family and friends in the loop. I wish I could remember everyone who asks for an update, now you can just look for it yourself 🙂
The other day, I posted a video of Braxton trying to crawl on facebook. I was super excited about it….then I realized Braxton is almost 14 months old and barely crawling. Another friend later posted about how their 10-month old was already walking and had several teeth. She was just posting as another excited mother, not to spite me. But, as a mom, you can’t help but see that and think man my kid is older and not anywhere near that. I see post after post like this, all the kids younger than Braxton hitting milestones left and right way ahead of schedule. I start to feel like maybe I’ve failed him in some way. It really sucks. Anything that makes you feel like an inadequate mother is disheartening. Then, I remembered that I just need to step away. Braxton is a Special Needs child. He’s not like other kids, he’s never going to be. And truthfully, the fact that he is ALIVE is a miracle itself! He wasn’t supposed to make it and he did. He continues to thrive and surpass expectations, and that is what I should be proud of.
Even “normal” kids develop differently and hit milestones differently. But, for some reason we just can’t seem to keep ourselves from comparing our kids. Why do we do that?? It’s unfair to our kids and it’s unfair to ourselves. We all do the best we can to raise our kids and overcome challenges that we face daily. Just a hard pill to swallow I guess. I took such good care of myself during pregnancy, I’d say even better than when I was pregnant with my daughter, and for what? My kid has all these issues to deal with. It’s really easy for me to slip into these days where I blame myself and feel like there is something more I could have done. But the simple fact is..there isn’t. There isn’t anything I could have or should have done differently. This is just the hand we were dealt, and I’m going to do everything I can to ensure my son’s success. He’s going to be ok. I’m going to be ok. We’re all going to be ok.
We’ve got a great team of doctors and therapists and they are all TRULY on our side. It’s amazing how great they all are and how willing they are to help us. To help us get the services we need and help us understand our treatment goals. We’ve met a lot of people over the past year, and I’m lucky they’re all on our side.